i miss.....

fucking shit load waste of time. grrrr...... $%@#$^&*! i can't believe the bloody internet connection is going bonkers with me at this hour. grrrr!!!!

alright alright... chill. cool down. take deep breaths. inhale, exhale. it takes 47 muscles to frown and it takes 17 (i think) muscles to smile. so unless i want wrinkles on my forehead, i better cool down.

okie then. let's see. i'm inspiration-less. so i'll just blog about nothingness. wee!!~

i'm back to being down in the dumps. sigh.. i don't know what's gotten over me. i guess looking back at photos and reminiscing about my wonderful past is doing nothing good for me except making me go nuts and crazy. a little while ago, i was hyper! too much sugar i think. lol. i just hate being alone at times. don't get me wrong. at times i love being alone. gives me a whole lot of time to think things through clearly with no distractions and interruptions. but sometimes, in the dead of the night, when dreams would keep me awake and tossing and turning in bed, i would look out the window and gaze at the starless sky. blank and empty, the way i feel most of the time.

i just miss having someone to call my own.

i miss having someone to message with at any time of the day. yes. even at 4.32 in the morning. i miss holding hands with someone. i miss walking in the rain with someone. i also miss having someone who i can run to when i'm scared, angry or lonely. i miss having someone to share my joys, my ups and downs. i miss having someone who i can call out anytime and who can rescue me when i'm feeling bored and dead at home. i miss having someone who can, will and always will layan me when i'm being a baby and manja. i miss having someone laugh at my silliness and then telling me that i'm adorable. i miss having someone who tells me i look ok eventhough i just woke up and still have morning breath.eeewww... i miss having someone make promises and then end up breaking them in spite of how much i hate promises being broken. i just miss all that.

promises. to hell with promises! everyone makes them and then breaks them. yeah.
you promised you'll be back every weekend to check up on me,
to make sure i haven't died from my clumsiness.
to make sure i didn't kill myself on purpose or by accident.
but your promises are exactly the same kind of promises he made.
the same way he said he'll take good care of me no matter what happens.
your promises are exactly the same kind of promises my dad made for me when i was a kid.
the kind where he promised to take me out and ended up not going.
fuck promises. to hell with promises!

i don't have anyone in mind as i'm typing all these out which makes me even more pathetic right? whatever la. its my blog. not yours.

i can't help feeling this way can i?

so? bite me!