what sleepiness cause.

either i am getting blinder or there is just something with this lappy.

i noticed,
the screen of the lappy goes darker whenever i use it late at night, like now.
its only 2.48am.

and when i use it like maybe, 3 in the afternoon?
its bright.

so far, i've adjusted my screen back and forth 5 times.

blind or trick of light?

you tell me.

forgive the dullness of the blog. (:
i'm too tired to be in sleepy hyper mode. x)

how come people hope and hope and hope,
but only to be let down when something bad happens?
and then hope again, when something nice happens.
i see friends, close ones, acquaintances, et cetera,
and their boyfriends of 3, 5,6, or even 8 years, break up and meet new people.

i suppose its the age. when we get together at the tender age of maybe, 13?
we meet new people in school, or college when we finish high school.

maybe its because i could never keep a relationship for more than year,
but i look up to those who've been in a relationship for so many years.
don't mention parents.
their time was different. (:
i'm talking of people who are in the same age group.
they get together for a few years, and then break up.
break ups suck. because your other half knows you too well.

how come i have so many things to say, so many things to let out,
but i just can't put it into words?
whenever my fingers reach out and touch the keyboard, my mind draws a blank.
some words come out,
but they fall hollow.

i seem to be the kind of person who wants to be alone at times.
but the truth is, i'm afraid to be alone(?)
sure, there are times when i do need the alone time.

but, not always.

i see the people in my class all in a group of their own while i'm left floating around.
the friends i'm more accustomed to in school have all gone their own ways and i'm left behind.
i'm flitting from here to there, from back to front.
without a certain destination.
what will come, will come.
and when it comes, i shall face it with bravery and courage,
instead of hiding in my safe little shell.

don't get me wrong.
i do have my own group of friends.
and i'm glad. (: i really am.
time and things have taught me to appreciate whatever and whoever i have.

once again, forgive the dullness of the blog.
it is now 3.07 in the morning.
i have so far adjusted the screen at least 10 times.
and i'm feeling all down and lost.
i wish upon a star tonight that all these feelings will go away and leave me in peace soon.

i also wish upon a star that someone will be able to hold an umbrella for me whenever it rains.
someone who cares if i do get wet in the rain.
not literally raining,
as in, when i'm having problems and such.

someone who is willing to be there to see it through.
someone who will give me a hug to assure me and whisper to me,
'its okay. i'm here for you.'
someone who cares about what happens to me,
instead of leaving me all alone to rot.

i feel like such a lousy bitch who spills things like this into blogs.
ah.. at least i have my beautiful girls who care.

times like these calls for a hug.
anyone with hugs to offer?