Understanding Someone.

i wish i am still a child.

*sighs*

when everyone loved me no matter how naughty i was, or how stubborn i was.

or how ugly i was, how big my head was, how my face was always red.

why is it that whenever i am upset about something, no one bothers?

when my sister is upset at something or pissed, everyone talks to her to make her feel better and the day is saved. but when it is me, no one bothers taking a second glance behind to check on me. to make sure that i am still following behind.

carey says that it is because it is very easy to talk to julie and also she laughs and feels better very quickly. whereas i, need a little more persuasion to laugh and feel better again.

but doesn't all this prove that i have a reason to be mad and that if you really knew me, deep down, in the deepest corner of your heart, that i need time to be persuaded because i strongly believe in whatever it is that pissed me off and that it is something not to be taken lightly?

that i believe my reason to be valid enough?

everyone keep choosing to believe that i am a person who takes things too personally and that i lose my temper easily. no one bothers taking the time to really get to know me.

they see me losing my temper once and that is how they see me forever. wtf.

i just wish people would make the effort to see something deeper beyond the picture than just pick at my flaws on the surface.

but i know that all this will never happen.

in a fucked up place like this.

i guess all i can say is that no one really knows what's going on behind the other person's mind. people may claim that they know 'everything' about each other but its not true.

because this is how people perceive me. i doubt even my own mother thinks that i have my own reasons for being angry or pissed off.

people like my cousin, naive and innocent about the ways of how some things go, will only think that it is very hard to make someone like me feel better and just decide to ignore me completely. i have my episodes. but i am only human.

if you can honestly tell me that you never had any episodes, then fine. i won't say anything anymore concerning this subject.

i guess, all i want is for people to just understand that when i get angry, i can never explain it in words sometimes, hence losing my temper easily.

i may fight back when you "try" to persuade me to feel better.

but does it mean that when i fight back i am not giving in at all?

*sigh*

i am going to go to bed now.

i just hope my little episode will end soon. i feel so depressed.

i feel like having a cig. but i can't. *sigh*

good night.