Us

How long have we been?
How long has it been since I last checked on how you're really feeling about things?
How long have we tried to rectify our mistakes and end up failing again and again?
How long have we been patient?
How long has it been since we really listened whenever we say it?
How long has it been going through our ears; not really fully understanding its true meaning?

How long?

I think it's been long enough. Don't you?
I think it's time we really start listening and fully grasping the true meaning instead of it being meaningless noise that goes through.
I think it's time we really mean it when we say it instead of it being an obligation; a chore.
I think it's time we really settle down and tackle the problem at hand.
I think it's time to rectify all wrongs and really make it work this time.

Don't you?

I've seen you through the awkward phases in the beginning of our relationship. I loved them all.
How you stuttered and looked at me apologetically whenever you try to correct my mistake.
How I loved seeing you stumble your way through.
How you never failed to make me smile with a simple SMS or a call.
How you would surprise me with something one day after the other.
How you try to make me happy by feeding me.
How trust was never an issue with the both of us.

Where has that person gone?

Now all I see is a person who gets agitated easily.
Angry.
Bitter.
Not trusting.

I'm not naive. I know that a relationship can't be a bed of roses all the time. How that surprises and hugs and kisses and food are not things that hold the relationship together. Sometimes it has to rain and go through the motions of thunder and lightning.

source

I just don't want the lightning and thunder to tear down the wonderful picture I hold dear.

Us in 2007 when you and I were both stumbling our way through.
Awkwardly but bravely because we know how much we loved seeing each other stumble our way through.

Us in 2008 when we went over to Hazel's and where you layan-ed me and my inner child when I saw that wonderfully equipped playground beside the pool.

You still layan-ed me no matter how cold you were in Genting and freezing your ass off.

What I love to do with you on your weekends off.
Just sitting down and relaxing and de-stressing ourselves.

Our relationship got to the point where silences weren't uncomfortable or awkward anymore. We are so relaxed and comfortable with each other until we need not worry about filling the time with mindless chatter and only talked when necessary.

However, like all greedy people, I wanted what wasn't good for me.
I began complaining that we were so silent.
'We don't talk anymore' became my favourite sentence whenever I wasn't happy with the silence. But as it turns out, silence don't work well with you too. It changed you into someone who would just walk away whenever we had a disagreement over something.

I want the old 'US' back. The happy 'US'. The 'US' that could stumble our way through life learning and growing together.

I want 'US' back.