bad day.

i had a not-so-good day.
scratch that.
what i meant to say was...
i had a bad day.
i dreamt about abnormal things and when i go to school,
the bloody electricity is out.
so it was effing hot.
then, economics period.
how i hate keanjalan.
fuck you, keanjalan!
and then,
during history period,
i got attacked from all sides.
front, left, right.
okay, so not all sides.
since my back was facing the cupboard.
but the cupboard didn't help me!
omfg.
i sound so effing bimbotic.
a cupboard.
come on, inanimate object?
hello!
so, got attacked.
and then, had to go through one hour of business class.
bloody annoying.
i might as well just read the bloody textbook.
why listen to the teacher when all he does is read from the textbook?
and then elaborates whatever he finds relevant
but using the exact phrases from the book.
i mean, what's the point??
and then, muet class.
we had to cut and paste a ransom note from newspapers.
could it get even more pathetic?
and then, after school,
while i was fetching my cousin home,
i lost my head and drove like a fucking lunatic.
well, to me.
maybe to others my driving might seem normal.
the last time i drove like that was when my friend told me something that killed me.
his side of the car was damn close to the bus.
and he had to yell to get my attention.

actually,
i wouldn't mind sitting through a business class for an hour and weird newspapers cuttings.
but i think, when you're already upset with the way your day is going,
you just get angry over everything that's annoying you.
eventhough they are not all that big an issue.
god.
i don't know how to put those feelings into sentences.
my english suck.
horribly.
damn those amount of mandarin i've been speaking over the years.

i hate it when i get upset and maybe cry.
i feel as though i'm giving people the impression that i'm a bloody brat.
which i am absolutely not.
for some reason,
my temper is hard-wired to my tear-ducts.
so whenever i get angry and it somehow strikes something sensitive in me,
i fucking cry.
yes. cry.
i am not a brat. let me make it clear.
i might like it when people manja me and sayang me.
but, i know how to control!

but,
in the end,
my cousin, who at times can be very straightforward,
made me feel better.
i love it when she has that..
i don't know if i should call that maternal instinct,
but i felt like a child when she was comforting me.
it made me feel better about my day though.
i love you and you know that.
(:

just now, got into another argument with my sister in front of my mother.
and being the typical mother,
she never nags me for my sister's wrongdoing.
whereas when i annoy or make my sister do something,
i get nagged.
bloody unfair.
and they ganged up on me.
and somehow, i feel that no one in my family cares about how i feel.
yeah.
mom tried to make me laugh.
but that is only because i am supposed to be the more matured one and give in.
i only asked my sister to help out with something while i did another thing.
and she came down and went,
'can't you do it by yourself??'
and i retaliated.
we started saying mean things to each other,
but omitted the bad words la of course.
and then my mom just said,
'stop it ah! you two don't want to do don't do. i do myself.'
and my sister retorted to me and stormed up the stairs.
after that,
we were watching tv.
and my sister looked at me so sweetly and said,
'can you fetch me to school tomorrow?'
and i said, 'why? i thought u said you wanted to walk?'
i have to fetch her wherever she wants to go.
she'll just call me if i haven't got home from school and just has to say a few words.
as though i'll listen to her.
she'll go,
'i want to eat so and so. go and ta bao for me.'
or, 'where are you? we're going to lepak in mcd.come back quickly'.
so what am i?
another driver to my sister?
and then we talked about what happened just now.
mom just jokingly scold my sister.
whereas when i do something like that to my sister,
she nags me. really nag.
i feel that its all bloody unfair!
and also, when i'm too angry,
my anger makes me incoherent.
so when i was making another point, but not in proper words,
they laughed and imitated the way i talked.
what the fuck?!
why do younger siblings do shit like that all the time?
when they're angry at us, they get fucking angry.
but when they want something from their big sister or brother,
they become all sweet and innocent as though nothing happened before that.
what the fuck is that all about?!
and being the gutless coward that i am,
i am probably going to drop my sister off at school.
it hurts that no one appreciates.
but in spite of all the shit my sister puts me through, she's still my sister.
and i have to bend to her whims and needs till she deems herself old enough to get things done without me.

so that's it about my day.
being a lunatic and sad and too angry.
so that's about it.
good night.
its already 12.40am.
its a pictureless post.
sorry.
good night.
baby says goodnight as well.

xoxo,
me. <3