more than meets the eye.

i should be researching on climate change for my MUET assignment.
but i just can't find the heart to do so.
1500-2000 words on climate change!
anything but that la oh my god.
give me a topic, any topic will do, other than climate changes, reports, and other boring topics and i'd gladly write 1500 words for you.
hand-written okay?
not printed!
oh. my. god.
effing hate topics like that.
lol.

i don't know why.
but i'm in my depressed mode again.
i hate it like this.
not many people care about how i feel.
i'm not going to go into this bratty mode where i claim that no one, i repeat NO ONE understands or care about how i feel.
because i do know that there are people out there who do care.
and possibly people who feels the same way.

i just don't know who they are.

i mean the people who are shunned by others just because they aren't pretty.
they have a look which makes people feel bloody uneasy whenever they look at them.
i don't know.
i read an article once,
everybody has different perspectives.
beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
and all that crap.
and also, i've read that we can never please everyone we see.
and just today, when i was in the toilet,
two form4 students came in as well.
one of them wasn't that pretty a girl but i'm sure she has good qualities in her while the other one is the typical pretty girl in school which everyone wants to know or already know.
the kind of person everyone likes to look at.
the kind of person which everybody loves.
so, the pretty one told her friend,
'just be yourself. don't let people bring you down. you can't please everyone you see.'
i don't really remember her exact words but that is what she meant.
and funny,
how every pretty girls say that to their friends who are more unfortunate-looking.
you don't see unfortunate-looking girls saying that to their pretty friends.

so what does that mean?

it happened to me.
countless of times.

my friends,
who looks better than i do,
who is liked by many.
yeah. they say it.

how can they understand?
they will never understand because no one judged them by the way they look,
they will never understand because no one treats them horribly because they don't look good.
and my sister is one of them.
how can they understand how lonely it gets while they get smothered with love and attention from everyone else?
at times i wish i could just escape.

and when i say left out whenever we're out together,
i mean, really left out.
you imagine the situation yourself.
i don't want to go into details because they are just too painful.

my cousin says,
'why do you care so much about what everyone thinks about you? just be your cheerful bubbly self and soon, people will realize that there's so much more than meets the eye.'

i know that i can't please everyone i see.
some people are gonna like me while some are just gonna hate me.
but how?
how come it seems as though everyone hates me?

i don't know what to do.
i really don't.