what is it like?

baby. my one and only love. the only guy who will never ever lie to me. yes. he's a boy eventhough he likes playing dress up with me. (: i love you, baby! mmwahx! (:

it sucks when we delude ourselves into thinking that someone cares for us. its really stupid and it fucking sucks. and fyi boys, it hurts our feelings. maybe you don't care if our hearts get hacked into a thousand pieces, but we do. get that?

at times, i wonder what's it like being a guy. you know? how they can ignore you for a couple of months and then call you back and say, 'i miss you'. its stupid! really stupid! that song from ciara says it all. wonderful and superb song. cheers, ciara! you rock! how can they do what they do? sigh... at times i wish that guys and girls could switch roles and they could feel the way we feel and we can do things the way they do.

fuck. fuck. fuck. fuckity fuck fuck fuck! fuck once, double, quadruple fuck!

alright. enough of cursing. its bad for health. lol. how is that relevant i do not know yet. lol. and should pn.faridah read this, i'm dead after the holidays. she's trying to rid the entire class of cursing. the words 'damn', 'shit' and so on and so forth. lol.

damnnit. i hate feeling ill. i've been feeling ill since the canteen day. lol. let me name what i had that day. hmmm....
1 : mango smoothies. li yan makes them really good. i've got two words for you li yan! you rock!
2 : ribena soda. not bad. i made them. duhh!! lol.
3 : a little bit of mango soda. what?.. we were out of ribenas and had a lot of sodas left.
4 : three plates of macaroni cheese.
5 : a sample of fruity lolllies. it made my stomach turn. so i didn't buy a stick.
6 : a slice of pizza. god knows what every time i eat domino's pizza my stomach feels queasy.
7 : i stole a nugget from economics club. lol. thanks zuza and charlotte!
8 : spicy chicken mee goreng. en. zol fried them. its nice. but it was too spicy. lol.
9 : dunkin donuts. omg. those stuff are effing sweet!
there you have it. i came home unable to eat lunch AND dinner. and i slept from 6 in the evening till 10.30 i think. lol. felt so dead. lol. and my stomach feels better but i have a sore throat already. sigh... i hate sore throats. hmmm... but is it a sore throat? it hurts only a little bit. but its irritating. hmmm.. and i cough alot. and i can feel my voice fading. wtf?... hate it.

these past few days i've been feeling down and in the dumps. i don't know why, but i definitely don't like this feeling. if it wasn't for ayu, my sister, salwa, eva, mindy, charlotte, my classmates and cousin, i'd probably be dead depressed by now. sigh.. i used to do a whole lot of stupid things when i'm down in the dumps and sad and i have the marks with me wherever i go.

they're there to remind me of what i gained and lost in a short span of time.

i don't want those awful memories creeping up at me at the most unexpected times anymore. i don't want them to pop up in my dreams anymore. i want them gone. erased. never to exist. anymore.