Speak Your Mind.

why is my nose all runny in the middle of the night? its frustrating, being unable to breathe properly with a malfunctioning nose. especially in the middle of the night. i can't breathe, i can't do anything properly because my nose hurts like mad. quote : especially in the middle of the night. i think i fucked my nostrils up when i kept digging it at night because i couldn't breathe properly at night. it came to a point where i could dig it until it bled till the next morning and dried up blood could be seen under all my fingernails, my fingers, and my pajamas. this all happened when i was a kiddie kiddo. now, the slightest touch to my nose irritates me and i start rubbing it and it burns. T____T

as stupid and pathetic as it sounds, it makes me want to cry. having this malfunctioning nose.
i feel very emotional.

you know how people say that when something or someone bothers you, you should come right out with it and confront it? and/or talk to the person who is doing things to bother you? saying that it'll never solve itself if you don't do anything about it?

i beg to differ.

when i talk to shiang about things that bother me, i expect comfort words and hugs and kisses to smooth it over. that's why we run to our boyfriends when something's bothering us right? instead, i get facts, harsh words, and no comfort. at all. sometimes it hurts when you go to your boyfriend for comfort and he doesn't provide or offer it.

facts. we know the facts of the problem. but that's not the entire point, ain't it? you just want someone to hold you to tell you that things will work out in the end. that, eventually, a solution will come. you want someone to rub your hair, wipe your tears. at least, that's what i want. i don't want the glazed-over-a-tv-set look. the kind of look where you look like you're not listening. or you do, but you forget quickly. or you change the topic the minute i finish talking. sigh.. in spite of all these, i still love him.

sometimes it hurts when you make an effort to make yourself look better, presentable, decent. it does. i hate the fact that i try so hard and my mom doesn't see it. is it my fault that i was born to look like this? i AM making an effort. it isn't really my fault that i can only wear tshirts and jeans these days. i'm working. how can you expect me to dress nicer? i'm not trying to say that i'm perfect. i'm not insulting nor am i judging. whatever i'm going to say next are thoughts that build themselves after you give me a point. i am not trying to say my figure is all that. there is definitely room for improvement. a lot, actually. but, i've noticed, girls with slim figures, in short, almost everyone, can dress the same. the difference is how they carry themselves. in my family, when someone or more is slim, and dress almost the same, there is always pressure for one of them to improve. to look better than the other.

i hope you get my point. my thoughts are spiralling out of control. i am going to hide under the comforter. i've had quite an awful day. good night.

i miss ayu.

come back quickly, best friend.